Show Your Child They Have A Friend In you

You must have heard from a lot of people and resources that you don’t need to be a friend to your child (neurotypical or on the spectrum etc), just parent them well. They have friends; you don’t need to take their place. Well, it is the “ old  school “ approach that seems to be losing steam over the years. Yes, there are parents and there are friends but why can't there be a bridge / middle path where a parent can be a less authoritative figure and a friendly approachable person who can crack a joke, play games, hang out, and be a ‘cool’ dad/mom, etc. 

In therapy for a child on the spectrum to acquire social and life skills, it's important for them to interact and engage with a diverse mix of people. For this to happen they need to have a healthy and loving relationship at home which at the core level means immediate family and caregivers, which extends to other social circles. Family sets the tone for love, trust & friendship from a young age. As children grow up, we want to prevent them from shying away from the public/society at large. This is where parents must start becoming friends with their children. Parents with their daily acts and words can show the kids that people are kind, loving, and supportive. It all starts at home.  This will help them to open up / engage with people and brighten and add to their quality of life.  The closer the bond you forge with your child correlates to better outcomes in their life. 

Here are two ways you can start becoming true friends of your child:  

• When they stim (repetitive behaviors ) out of stress, frustration, or anger, instead of stopping or admonishing them, join them. Let them know you understand and that you support them as they self–regulate or deal with stressors in their own unique ways. If they rock back and forth, do the same. If they line up objects, join them discreetly. Let them know you have their back in all circumstances.  This aids in co-regulation and is a prerequisite skill to self-regulation.
• Celebrate the positive strides made by the child, particularly in terms of social interaction / connecting with you, the family, or others. Positive reinforcement works wonders and is one of the main pillars of ABA therapy. Celebrate any small milestone. Be it a physical gesture, a word an act, or a skill. Each gesture by you sets the tone for security and comfort in the child to go a step higher in various social and life skills.

The task of being a friend to your child needs to be worked on daily. It needs constant work so that the child forms a close & deep bond that will pave the way for other social bonds that they need to flourish in life. Start today.